


The Lost Mate

by littlesparrow33



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dean Winchester in Denial, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesparrow33/pseuds/littlesparrow33
Summary: Alone on the boardwalk, Dean and Benny talk but not to each other. Dean has to wake up to what's missing.Set post-S08E19 "Taxi Driver"
Relationships: Andrea Kormos/Benny Lafitte, Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	The Lost Mate

**Author's Note:**

> This year has sucked. I'm lucky enough to have kept my health and my job, but all the stress and uncertainty surrounding 2020 has sapped most of my creativity and joy. I hope others on here are doing better.
> 
> It's been awhile since I've posted, even though I've been trying to work on fics. And this particular one is a short, sad one-shot. So, apologies in advance, but my brain demanded it be written. I have others coming that are better.

It was midnight and Dean was standing at a rail on the boardwalk, the water lapping at the shore nearby when he realized there was a man next to him. He was indistinct at first but came into focus when Dean turned to him.

It was Benny.

His face was troubled though, caught in a deep frown and Dean found himself asking, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s not right, I know it,” he muttered.

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked.

The vampire turned to face him, with a soft look wiping away the anguish. “I know I’m asking a lot,” Benny spoke gruffly, “and I know I’m a monster, but I can’t help wanting.”

“Benny…” He was unsure what to say.

The Southern man reached out and gently cupped his cheek with a sigh. Dean somehow didn’t startle at the unexpected touch, and his confusion deepened when the vampire drawled, “Andrea…”

Dean suddenly became aware of two things.

One: he was dreaming. Strange enough to make him realize it but somehow not strange enough to wake up.

And he was _Andrea_. Very rarely had he been in anyone else’s shoes, dream or otherwise, but he was very clearly shaped as Benny’s long-lost love. This became even more apparent as Benny came closer, but Dean was stuck in this moment—this imagined memory, or whatever it was. The other man looked down at him, which was a bit odd for Dean, and Benny’s blue eyes were pained as he continued.

“It doesn’t have to be like that. I can protect you, care for you, make it so you want for nothing. I don’t have to be the monster that ruins you.” A rough hand traced his jaw so tenderly that Dean was nearly tearing up, despite how much this was not directed at him. “You don’t have to choose me… I’ll always help you as long as I exist.”

“Stop,” Dean interrupted. “I’ve made my choice.”

“But…”

“You may not be human, but you’re a good man, Benny. I know it.” And Dean wasn’t sure whether this script was for Andrea or himself, but he felt his heart pounding as Benny smiled at him.

The vampire ran his thumb over Dean’s lips with a deep gaze. “Beautiful,” he murmured. Then he leaned in and Dean could feel the warm breath on his mouth before gasping awake.

Dean shot up, struggling to get his lungs working normally before he woke Sam. Feeling his skin buzzing like it did after a shot of espresso, Dean knew sleep was out of the picture tonight. He stood up as quietly as he could and threw on a jacket. He’d been sleeping in his clothes after their last hunt so there was little to slow him down from escaping the room.

Sam began to shift on the next bed and Dean quickly said, “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.” It was barely a whisper, but it was enough for Sam to calm and turn over to sleep some more.

Getting outside, the brisk air helped to ground him. In the dark night, it would be easy to feel like it was just a dream, but Dean’s cold fingers and nose convinced him otherwise. He walked around the end of the building to get away from the fluorescent lights in the motel parking lot. Leaning against the wall, he looked up at the stars and tried to get a grip.

_You can’t help what you dream_ felt like a sad platitude no matter how many times he repeated it to himself. Eventually, he stopped trying and just let himself remember. What struck him were those bright blue eyes. Dean had thought that he’d forgotten the details of how Benny looked, but the dream had brought everything back quite clearly. Dean could picture exactly how Benny had sat in the Impala when he’d first told his story of meeting a Greek heiress and running off to sea. He’d known then that the other man was a romantic.

He just…couldn’t figure out how he’d played the wrong role.

What he knew for certain was that tonight was dredging up all his old worries. He’d known Benny wasn’t likely to come back from Purgatory…but he wanted to believe the vampire was still there, fighting away. When Sam had told him Benny stayed behind, Dean had fought hard to keep his composure. And when they’d reached the next motel and Sam had gone to sleep, Dean had crept out of that room, too: to drink and stare at the stars and allow himself to feel. And what he’d felt was _gutted_ ; Benny hadn’t deserved to be left alone and Dean had let him down. Probably the best friend Dean had ever had…and now he was lost.

The way things were with Heaven and the angels, Dean didn’t think he’d be able to _pray_ for Benny’s safety, so he didn’t try. Sometimes, though, he considered that if anyone listened to his thoughts, a prayer or two might’ve been silently delivered anyway. A hunter’s prayer for a departed partner. A fighter’s prayer for a fallen comrade.

A friend’s prayer for a lost mate.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

THE END

~ ~ ~ ~ ~


End file.
